Continued from Everybody Has A Story
Let’s Go Back a Little
A few months prior to our move I experienced a little bit of a breakdown. Okay, actually it was more of a massive meltdown. Paul and I were fooling around in the bedroom of a tiny little appartment I rented in the attic of a house. I guess I was getting a little loud and Paul put his hand over my mouth and shushed me, very innocently, but it was like somewhere in my mind a door blew open and jumbled images memories sights sounds smells snapshots in my head exploded all around me. I tucked my knees up under him and shoved with all my might, as he went flying all I could say was, “get the f*ck off me, get the f*ck off me.” I was as shocked as he was, I told him to get the hell out and I didn’t need to tell him twice!
The door closed behind him and I fell to my knees on the floor, pain coursing through me, disbelief, disgust, shame, oh my God the shame. Images I’d never knew I’d seen. Muffled sounds crying zippers curses smell of liquor whispers darkness fear desperate sick to my stomach fear. For almost two full days and nights I don’t even remember moving from that spot though I must have, if only to empty my bowels.
Monday morning, convinced that I was going insane, I called a crisis counsellor. Over the next few months I was able to make sense of some of those jumbled memories, a lot of those memories were of my childhood, young childhood, and some of them were from my teens, some of which I’ve began to explore previously in Blackout.
So it was with this gaping wound, not fully explored, that I first greeted the ghost and so it has become that during times of turmoil He comes to me again and again and gives me strength and helps me through. He’s followed me over thousands of miles and what seems like thousands of years. I hope you will continue to follow my story and see how it unfolds.
To be continued…..