My Mother was a Real Person?

Oh good Lord! I’ve just realized that my mother was pretty awesome, in ways I never realized until she I was much older.

There was that time at fourteen when I thought I knew so much more about life than she did, I thought she was just ‘mother’, she wasn’t a real person like me…. a person who had a life, had feelings, loved, hated, she was just someone there. I just realized this a few minutes ago as I looked into the mirror and recognized that it is the way my fourteen year old daughter sees me now.

I also did the math, and when I told my mother, at the wise old age of fourteen, “stay out of my life, you don’t know anything, you’re just an old woman!” she was only three years older than I am now, and I also now strongly suspect that the snicker I heard was not her holding back tears as I thought, but most likely her trying not to laugh at me! She had a hell of a wicked sense of humor, and I didn’t recognize that until I was in my early twenties and went home to visit. I saw my mother then as a woman. I saw her with friends, which I had hardly ever seen when I was still at home. I saw her spice up our morning coffee with a splash of Bailey’s and a wink. I saw her deadpan hilarious jokes, and laugh at the sublime and the ridiculous.

I didn’t see her face but told her over the phone when I got pregnant. I was single and twenty three having just been dumped by the ‘love of my life’, I expected recrimination, upset, anger, anything really expect what I got…. I got a pregnant pause (pun intended) and a very gentle “Oh?” until I said, “I’m happy”, and then she gushed! She was happy for me and excited to be called “Nanny”, and wanted me to tell her everything.

She was really smart. She really knew her stuff and knew how to listen and guide. I really, really miss her a lot today. She passed away years ago, 3 1/2 years now I think, I try not to think about it actually. If my mum was still alive I could bring her to live with me and she would help my daughter. She was loving but firm. I don’t know how to be that. I have the loving but have no clue how to be firm. I never learned to say no as a child. It wasn’t allowed.

This has gotten away from me, now the words are pouring out with the tears and its time to make dinner.

Death didn’t take her, cancer did. Ahead of time I think.

About Reviewer Rose

Hi, my name is Rose, I'm no longer in the flush of youth, I have a common-law husband and two teenaged daughters, multiple pets, and more debt than I'm comfortable with! Anything sounding familiar? Well, its all too familiar to me and I plan on changing a few things around here. I'll keep the husband, kids and pets, but some things just need to change! I am embarking on a journey of discovery. Warning, this blog includes discovery of self, writing, learning and growing. There may be posts that you won't be comfortable reading, but I have supressed some things for so long, things I don't want to keep anymore, so will leave them here on these pages. I hope you will follow while I live, learn, heal, try, review and share, and I hope you can grow along with me in my pursuit of betterment!
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3 Responses to My Mother was a Real Person?

  1. Pingback: Family Is More Than Just A Family « DiaryCube

  2. Robert says:

    Yesl. We grew up and realize that family are more than just a family. They are people that love you, and support you no matter what! 🙂
    Yes, teenagers thinks they know everything! LOL! I did tried to prove my Mom that I am right when I was teenager, but I realized that my Mom’s right, and I was wrong… 😀

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