How Far Is Too Far?

I took a bit of flack on that last post, apparently I’ve gone too far since some things are meant to be private.  I cannot stay quiet on this,  I believe that secrets are usually bad things. Good things are surprises, unexpected pleasantries, happy things. Secrets are usually dark things, things that make you feel ashamed or afraid, weak or powerless, and there is nothing happy about them.

Abusive relationships are usually full of secrets, whatever the relationship, elder, child-parent, partner, lover, friend, peer or even stranger and regardless of the abuse, be it physical, sexual or emotional in real time or online. All abuse causes pain. I believe that by outing abuse, you make people aware that it is not okay to be treated this way, every human person has the right to be treated with dignity and respect, without fear and abuse, regardless of race, gender, age, sexual orientation, religion and the list goes on. You remove the blame and the stigma from the victim survivor and eventually, with enough awareness, the hope is that no one will have to suffer abuse.

Mental Illness, until very recently, was something to be ashamed of, questioned, heavily drugged and maybe even institutionalized. It was considered a dirty little secret. Why for Christ sake? A heart attack isn’t a “dirty secret”, why should mental illness be? It’s an illness for crying out loud, don’t blame, find what works, and if that means talking to anyone and everyone then do so. If that means blogging about Bi-Polar disorder while you check every site you can find then so be it. If you have a diagnosis you take every opportunity to learn everything you can from everyone you can because there is no definitive symptom, behaviour or treatment, you try everything you learn about it and if it doesn’t work you try something else. You can never speak to too many people or get too much feedback on something you are trying to navigate and they are experienced with. Why does it have to be a secret when any snippet of advice could be of help.

As for education. Why is a child who does not know how to learn the way she is taught, not taught in a different way? I know, the teachers have a curiculum to follow and a certain number of days to get through it, a large body of students and very little one on one time, but picture this – the child who is away sick for months and falls behind in school work when she already needed help before she became ill. When she goes back she is now so far behind and the more time goes on the more behind she gets and then she begins to feel stupid. What is more horrible than being unable to “get” something your peers easily understand. Months of trying gets the child further and further behind, she is pulled from class more often to do catchup work, she feels even more stupid and is now also teased by other classmates. She becomes so anxious that she can no longer face even going to school. The child is not stupid, far from it, she can give every single relevent detail in the lifecycle of a bull shark versus a hammer head shark.  She can explain in grueling detail, complex plots in long works of fantasy fiction. She can give you a plot synopsis on any book or character in a book that she’s read in probably the last six months. However, she doesn’t get math, and therefore, well obviously glossed over that part in science where the cells divide. Why would a learning assessment be such a difficult thing to arrange? How about attempting to discern if a learning disability or difficulty, dyslexia perhaps, exists when the child is continuously unable to learn after an extented period of time.   How about instead of trying to focus on getting the child to school, we focus on getting the child an education.

My question is, are my main topics, abuse, mental illness and access to education, things that should be kept secret in any way?
I  want your feedback on this. Have I really ‘gone too far’?

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About Reviewer Rose

Hi, my name is Rose, I'm no longer in the flush of youth, I have a common-law husband and two teenaged daughters, multiple pets, and more debt than I'm comfortable with! Anything sounding familiar? Well, its all too familiar to me and I plan on changing a few things around here. I'll keep the husband, kids and pets, but some things just need to change! I am embarking on a journey of discovery. Warning, this blog includes discovery of self, writing, learning and growing. There may be posts that you won't be comfortable reading, but I have supressed some things for so long, things I don't want to keep anymore, so will leave them here on these pages. I hope you will follow while I live, learn, heal, try, review and share, and I hope you can grow along with me in my pursuit of betterment!
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27 Responses to How Far Is Too Far?

  1. unknown says:

    Okay! You told me that I should help. Well I have been doing some research which is not hard to do. Call 1-888-657-9355. Or go to the website neurvana.ca. Stop wineing and start acting. No one is going to help you or your children but you. Start thinking out side the box and past your own issues No this is not your ex but I would love to meet him.

    • Trust me, I know research is not hard to do, I have done a lot of it. This looks very interesting, however, are you footing the bill? Every other program I’ve looked into has been prohibitively expensive, I’m going to assume this one is also since there is no cost on the website and no-one answering the phone. I will most definately look into it though.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Sorry Rose about the spelling on my post below. To continue to “unknown”. My post was supposed to say that Rose has done admiral job of raising her daughters on her own. She had done all she could to navigate through every agency that she thought could be of assistance. So instead of condemning her, why don’t you do something constructive and give her some direction since you, yourself has dealt with it as well!

    Pat N.

  3. Anonymous says:

    To “unknown”:
    To accuse Rose of child abuse is absolutely absurd. I happen to know this woman personally and nothing means more to her than the health and well being of her daughters!! She had struggled for years to get the professional help necessary to ensure her child has the future that she deserves. As for the blogs she writes, I can guarantee that she would not put to paper anything that would damage her daughter’s psyche of make them feel badly about themselves. Her daughters are old enough to understand. Yes, the fifteen year old can comprehend all that is written as she is very intelligent even though she may have dr issues. Rose has done XML dorsal job

  4. Sickened! says:

    I agree with unknown! You are abusing your childs mind. Some people should not have children.

  5. unknown says:

    As you say that your daughter is a minor! You need to think as a fifteen year old would you have like the world to have known your issues at that age ? As you have said your doctor said that you are the cause of her issues. Open your eyes. This is her story as you said. Stop abusing her and be a mother first. You are second to your children. This is abuse!

    • E is just as eager to find her way through this as I am. As I said in my reply earlier, my daughters don’t read my blog. However, as a fifteen year old I would have loved the world, or at least someone outside of my home to know what I was going through.
      The psychiatrist was not my doctor, she was someone who looked at our case files, did a twenty minute interview and then made a statement that she should never have made.
      If you believe I am abusing my child then you should be contacting Child and Family Services. I am not hiding behind an “unknown” mask, they will very easily find me. Perhaps if you contact CFS they will do more than they do when I contact them. And how dare you, unknown, acuse me of abuse? You do sound suspiciously like my ex.

  6. Pingback: On Going Too Far Or Not Far Enough | Reviewer Rose

  7. unknown says:

    You may be helping others but you are harming thoughs that you are most responsible for. Your children! Which is more important? You , others or your children which you brought into this world ? I my world my children came first!!

    • Hello ‘unknown’, thanks for your feedback, but I would love to know specifically how you feel my vocalization his harming my children. Are there any specific sentences, words or feelings that I’ve portrayed that indicate I put myself before my children or that I do not consider their wellbeing?

  8. authorsylvia says:

    I am not caught up on my reading so am am not familiar with the post to which you are referring. I will say that I am pretty open and write frankly about my C-PTSD, domestic abuse and child abuse issues, but I do it under a pen name. I can’t say I personally would be so open about things if I were writing under my own name and/or image, but that is WHY I chose another name. That is my personal choice though and you probably have reasons for writing what you do. I don’t think anyone should judge you for being so open.

    I find that writing helps me, it sometimes helps others, and nobody is harmed in the process.

  9. unknown says:

    Yes you have gone to far when your children can read these blogs. They do not need to know what you have and are going through. Yes you are the parent and they are the child. Don’t make your issued there issues keep it private from them at least! For the education you are the mother and it is your job not to have let it got this far. I have raised two children one lazy with health issues that missed a lot of school and one with a learning disablity. They both graduated on time on there own because that was my job. I did not fail them! Did the schools fail them? No because I would not allow it! We need as a society to stop blaming and get of our ass and change your own world because no one else is going to do for you! Stop wineing and start acting!

    • Hello ‘unknown’, thank you for your response. I thought you were my ex-husband until I read that you raised two children of your own and then I knew it couldn’t be him, he didn’t raise any children.
      Let me begin by saying that my children are fifteen and nineteen, not five and nine years old, they are old enough to understand that standing up and speaking out about injustice is not a bad thing it is a necessary thing. Secondly, I’m their mother, they have no interest in reading my blog. Besides, why should I keep my experience with abuse quiet from them? They are two girls, in a group of three, one of them will suffer abuse in their lifetime. Hopefully mine will have learned from me not to take abuse from anyone.
      As for the education, I suppose its okay to call your child lazy because you remain anonymous? I am happy that your children managed to navigate school, but I think that a child who has obviously been diagnosed with a learning disability, is in a far different situation than one who has not been. After all, there is a different way of teaching depending on the learning disability. I would be very interested in accessing your knowledge of the school system, I am after all seeking all the assistance I can get. I wonder though, did you have a child who tried to kill herself or tried to kill you? Did every psychiatrist, psychologist, doctor, counsellor or caseworker for the last few years tell you not to pressure her to attend school? Was your main focus trying to give your child a reason to live? Only two months ago did a psychologist finally agree with me that school is an issue here.
      One final question, how did you manage the physical task of getting your adult size children to attend school against their will?

  10. ems612 says:

    P.s you can never go ‘too far’ when you speak out about mental illness

    • Thank you. I’m standing firm here. Secrets out, these things should never be secret to begin with. 🙂

      • ems612 says:

        Agree. I kept my eating disorder and abuse secret for years, and since opening my blog and taking about it I’ve had so support and met some great people like yourself. The risk of offending perhaps one or two people is worth it when you help others.

  11. ems612 says:

    No I don’t believe it should be kept a secret. I believe that only mask it. And it tells people who have been abused we should be ashamed of it. I have your posts very encouraging keep writing you’re helping others 🙂

  12. moi says:

    I don’t think you went too far, from what you say she is an intelligent girl, those example you mentioned I wouldn’t have a clue about, but yeah someone who is anxious and missing out on school and therefore behind is going to be even more anxious on the few times that they do attend school.

    At the same time, on the teaching level at least, I am sure that there are things that could be done at home even if you yourself cannot home teach. Websites, things like national geographic, other stuff that she could gain knowledge on with regards stuff she is interested in.

    I am thinking back to my schooling and I attended most of it, but really what of life’s lessons were learnt at school, not many I don’t think.

    • Hi moi, thanks for your response. Please let me reasure you that she is learning all the time at home, she reads constantly and knows pretty much everything there is to know on certain things she has an interest in, she is simply not attaining any ‘formal’ education. 🙂

  13. No, they shouldn’t be secret. It’s a huge problem. We are failing a lot of children. Then, when kids get in trouble you hear “where are the parents”. The parents have been seeking help. Where’s the help?

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