I haven’t written for a while, I’ve been too afraid, afraid not of others’ comments or reactions but of my own. I’ve also been too busy to write, too busy wallowing in self pity, getting mired in the past and way too busy facing some truths that I never even wanted to consider. Fear is my biggest enemy and I’ve been kicking it’s ass something fierce lately.
Dad – you sick fuck.
My ex-husband – I wish I could have helped you but I was way too screwed up myself, leaving you was the very best I could do for both of us.
M – maybe I pushed too hard too soon, you weren’t ready to fly. Thank God for second chances.
E – I wasn’t fully present enough and didn’t push you hard enough, I’m so glad that has changed.
Myself – I am strong, kind, loving. I am alive, I am human and I am perfect in my imperfection. I will strive to always do better than I have. My life hasn’t been perfect but it’s way past time to get over it.
To the rat in the barn – thank you for your ugly words, they made me face my ugly truth.
There is so much more to life and I’m done letting fear stop me from finding it.